I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
