or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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