No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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