His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
