she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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