the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How does one acquire holy water?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
