I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
