Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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