there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
