every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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