theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he shaved USA in his pubs
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
