I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
