if only i could text you this smell
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
