I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
