I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
