so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
