Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
