Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
