i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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