so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
