I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is wine microwaveable?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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