i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
