Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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