Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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