Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
