babies were throwing up all over the place
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
