Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
