Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
