I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
