just come out here and I will go home with you...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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