Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
