He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
