Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
