Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
