If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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