How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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