Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
