We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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