I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
