I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
