my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
