Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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