I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
