I forgot how hot balto sounded
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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