Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
