Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
