I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
