This is not my ceiling
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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