dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
