I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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