So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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